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Dat bacon goin lube up yo’ shit pipes
Brian Cambell

mahjongnookulus:

Morgan Freeman on helium.

white people ordering food at a mexican restaurant

juilan:

Happy cinco de mayo

crunchbuttsteak:

foolserrant:

crunchbuttsteak:

APPLES DO NOT POOP

EVERYONE poops, no exceptions

APPLES.DO.NOT.POOP.

WAIT. WAIT. HOLD UP. WHAT IF THE APPLE IS THE POOP?

crunchbuttsteak:

foolserrant:

crunchbuttsteak:

APPLES DO NOT POOP

EVERYONE poops, no exceptions

APPLES.
DO.
NOT.
POOP.

WAIT. WAIT. HOLD UP. WHAT IF THE APPLE IS THE POOP?

The best part of being a lacrosse goalie are the four inch diameter bruises you get.

I have a tophat

This is important

  • Me:

    So you cell carrier didn't give you a warning text that they were going to disable your account if you didn't make your payment?

  • Zach:

    Well they did but it was like 2 weeks before the due date and I forgot.

  • Me:

    ...

  • Zach:

    If they had done it the day of or the day before that would have been way better.

cheekygeekymonkey:

Extra bonus round on “How to spot an artist” pro-tips:

Rubens: "Skinny may be in. But fat is where it’s at."


Michelangelo: "Nude women are muscularly sculpted men with oddly shaped fruits attached on as breasts."

Pi day

I’m not as into pi day this year, mostly because I’m too hyped for next year being 5 digits of pi.