Morgan Freeman on helium.
Happy cinco de mayo
The best part of being a lacrosse goalie are the four inch diameter bruises you get.
This is important
So you cell carrier didn't give you a warning text that they were going to disable your account if you didn't make your payment?
Well they did but it was like 2 weeks before the due date and I forgot.
If they had done it the day of or the day before that would have been way better.
Extra bonus round on “How to spot an artist” pro-tips:
Rubens: "Skinny may be in. But fat is where it’s at."
Michelangelo: "Nude women are muscularly sculpted men with oddly shaped fruits attached on as breasts."